So I’ve committed to presenting on the subject of polyamory! Or more broadly polysexuality. It feels somewhat like ‘coming out’?!
As I write, I also question my motives. Should I care about the private lives of others? Really, as long as they’re not causing anyone else hurt, shouldn’t everyone essentially be free to choose how they love, lust and conduct their personal relationships?
My short answer would be yes, of course they should be free. Just as we’re free to prick our selves with hot, burning needles a million times if we like. And that’s sometimes not too distant an analogy from how some choose to approach relationships.
A better reason to care, I suppose, is that given a different perspective, some would then have the option to choose differently. My take on things is that most people pursuing the relationship model that’s commonplace in our modern-day, developed world aren’t giving themselves the best chance for happiness. Neither does our prevalent pair-bonding norm lead us to cultivate deep self-security. But most know no other. And this is perhaps why I should speak.
People on numerous occasions will find my views on love and relationships ‘really interesting‘. It’s not a wide-eyed, smiley-faced ‘interesting’, but ‘interesting’ in a wierded-out, yikes-out-of-my-comfort-zone kind of way. (those are not even the most way-out of my opinions either! lol) While there is fortunately a small minority who share my (un)romantic worldview, and others who are refreshingly curious enough to explore it intellectually, most folk I find are wary, protective or petulantly clingy to the monogamous romantic ideal.
I usually have little desire to convince them otherwise. But inside me, every time I hear someone wanting to find ‘the love of their life’, I silently cringe. And every time I hear someone finding the ‘love of their life’ or heading down the marriage route (unfortunately increasingly common at my age), I very nearly offer my condolences… and firmly restrain myself from voicing something akin to ‘aww. another one bites the dust.’
The nudge, however, that just renewed and sealed my commitment to finally and promptly giving this long-deliberated subject of non-monogamy its proper delivery was a friend’s recent eagerness in exploring it (thank you, beautiful! you know who you are). Someone, at least ONE person, will relish entertaining some of my well-worn sentiments on how polysexuality is far superior to the monosexual ideal. Someone might even try it out. AND best of all, someone might just perhaps end up finding it as wonderfully liberating and enriching as I do.
That’s a good enough reason to come out.
[Update 27 Nov 2012: See details of the talk at "Let's Talk Love, Sex and Promiscuity"]
